''SHOT GUN!''

Growing up in a family of 8 had it's challenges, that's for sure.

I was the second youngest of 6 - three boys and three girls.

My younger sister arriving on the scene was the beginning of my vague remembrances of being a kid, at 207 Penn Avenue.

I was 41/2 years, when my sister showed, and up to that point I had been the baby of the family. It doesn't sound like much but being the baby in a family with 5 children has advantages. one of those advantages was that I was the one child, that was allowed to sit in the front with Mom and Dad, when the family took a trip in the car. No one else was allowed in the front, just me with Mom and Dad, enjoying the comforts of our cozy bench seat, an unobstructed view out the front windshield, total control of the push button radio was mine, and on the days that Dad was in a real good mood, I would be asked to click the turn signal lever either up or down depending on a left or right turn.

Now, behind me, was a different setting. Even though I rarely turned to look over the edge of the seat, I could tell, by the sounds that echoed. It was a virtual hell in the back rows of seating in the rear of our station wagon. There were constant thuds on the back of my seat, loud screams, tearful cries, nasty coughs, shrieking yells, and countless slaps and punches being shared. The back seat was the reason for countless threats from my father to ''pull over'', ''turn around'', ''never take us out again'', and worst of all is when he would force the words ''don't make me come back there'' over his lips. These words were enough to bring a short silence to the crew behind me but they were never enough to eliminate the shenanigans all together.

Like I said, the privilege of riding up front meant that I had no worries, I was safe. I was in solitary confinement with no threat of being asked to join the general population. That was, until my little baby sister arrived. I will never forget the first ride we took after her birth.

We were headed to the grandparents, it was a sunny Sunday morning. I bolted through the front door of our tiny home and leaped past the 4 steps of the veranda and dashed to the front door of the car. Waiting, like a dog after hearing the word ''walk'', for my father to insert the key and open the door for me to enter my private, luxurious, suite. As my Father swung around the front of the car, having just assisting my Mother and sister through the opposite door, he spoke the words that changed my life for ever. As he put his had on my left shoulder. He bent slightly and almost with a grin in his voice he whispered, just loud enough for all to hear ''hey sport jump in the back, your baby sis has to sit up front with her Mom''. What did he mean ''her mom''? That was my Mom. Did he just ask me to jump in the back seat? My heart sank, hell, it stopped. My breath was gone and even though I was only 41/2 I began to sweat profusely. As I looked back and into the rear door window, my older brothers and sister were all sitting calmly, they were motionless, and everyone of them was looking in my direction. I swear I could see drool falling from there lips. they looked like tigers at the zoo as the meat was about to be tossed over the bars. 

FRIDAY, MARCH 12, 2010

the rain, where I come from

falls straight down, blocking the summer sun

it has two shadows, most every time

thunder rumbles, lightning shines

It comes in many different forms

the best is when it comes in storms

storms, my favourite, I must tell

make me wonder, make me yell

for everyone close by to see

the leaves are ripped right off the trees

the birds, they circle in the sky

heaven on edge, about to cry?

the wind begins to show its will

temperature drop. Is that a chill?

darkness falls, surrounds us all

It seems as though the world may stall

''here it comes'', the rain hard-hitting

blitzing the ground, never sitting

vapour rising, all around

most thankful for it all, the ground

It’s quick to come and quicker to go

unless at night, it decides to show

It’s very swift from start to stop

like stepping from the ledge, far drop

the wind has calmed, the sun shines through

the storm is gone, the sky is blue

the heart slows down, the feeling spent

somewhere, someone, the message sent

the rain where I come from

falls straight down over the summer sun

R Aylwin

o7/06

what would love do?

Why is it so difficult for all of us to just share the love and joy that resides inside us? Is it because we struggle at even being able to find that love and joy let alone tap into it?

Think of how many times in a day you are faced with or are facing someone with an opportunity to share love. An opportunity where love would make everything better. Even if only a little bit better.

Instead, what usually happens, is that the opportunity is wasted. So many other emotions tug at us. Greed, deciet, anger, jealousy, envy, revenge, shame, and pity to name a few.

It is so so simple to just love. Demonstrate that love with kindness and happiness. Resist the urge to do anything else. A hug, a smile, a kiss, a kind word, even a kind gesture. Why is it so impossible?

Explain it if you can, callenge it. Look around. Marriages reaking like cheap glasses, siblings battleing over the sillyest things, friends not talking, strangers cursing, politicians decieving, countries battleing, planets dying. I'm sorry but i just dont get it. Not any longer.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 17, 2010

Kindness

I try to remember that we all vibrate at different frequencies, all living things. I try to remember that my vibration is just different from others, it is not higher or lower. I try to remember that blaming others for my own unhappiness is a big mistake. I try to remember that we are all equal. I try to remember that we all want happiness. I try to remember that some friendships are for a day, some are for a week, some for a year, and some for a lifetime. I try to remember that people enter and leave our lives when needed as a natural contribution from the universe. I try to remember that we all love. I try to remember that we all want love. I try to remember that kindness is in all. I try to remember that kindness is all.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 12, 2010

How do we sleep at night?

I was driving home from work the other day and I was following a convertible Mustang when eye noticed that the roof of the car had a big slash that was repaired using duct tape. Well, this got me thinking about how little security we really have when it comes to protecting ourselves and our stuff. All that separates the outside world from your home is a few locks or even worse, a few panes of glass. That's it! Someone could get into my home in a flash if they really wanted to just by smashing a window. My windows are really not keeping anyone out. So what really keeps them out? Better judgement? Honesty? Risk of punishment? No incentive to steal my stuff? On my travels through India, a few years back, eye noticed that stuff over there is really locked up. Doors with cages and padlocks, windows with bars, gated entrances to hotels and apartments, armed guards standing tall. No one putting a lot of faith in the windows in that part of the world. I guess, the reason we trust windows and vinyl tops on cars is because more of us have than have not, in this country, so the odds are very low that someone will break through our insecure security.

It's too bad we have to worry about this type of thing at all.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 9, 2010

Matter vs. Spirit

Have you ever been in a room full of friends and felt like a stranger? I have been experiencing this sensation as of late and can only come to one conclusion as to why this is happening. In the last 4 years I have been seeking changes in my life, new relationships, new career, new surroundings, a new path sort of speak. When I began the journey of seeking a new path I realized that some relationships would change, but to the extent they have, I did not. I am not saying that all of my friendship will perish and I do realize new ones will begin but like I said earlier there are more and more days were I sit in the company of friends and feel surrounded by strangers.

Most of the friends I speak of still operate out of the world of matter, consumed with material ambitions and full of material concerns. I am doing my best to leave that thinking behind. I am trying to operate my life from a spiritual world. Being surrounded by the chatter of how much one owns or how much one spends or what one has just does not hold my attention. Where you live?What you do? What you drive? Just doesn't seem to matter any longer. Who you are? What is inside you? This is what I am looking to explore and discuss. Am I the only one?

THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 2010

Deep Inside Us All

There is a part in all of us, a piece of us, that can be found deep inside our soul that is pure and tender, warm and caring.

We have been hurt or damaged or abused over the years and so that warm and tender gets stashed away, rarely allowed to explore the outside world.

We let it out every once in awhile, usually around those we put trust in, to protect it. As far as I am concerned we never let it out enough. As we age some of us realize that it just doesn't matter and we let it out more and more to the point were we become that warm, tender, fun loving soul. Yet, others of us, bottle it up to the point were they can't even remember where it is. This may explain some of the grumpy old souls we know that walk around snapping and barking at everyone and everything.

I say we all start trusting a little more, let the tenderness out more often. Don't be afraid. The world is not that big and bad and believe it or not there are more tender souls waiting out there, waiting to exchange, more than you can ever imagine.