Thinking

In the midst of what I feel, it is unavoidable, this process I call ''change''. I say unavoidable because my soul, desires a higher ascension.

My mind is laid on the chopping block of transformation, my body struggles to reach a passage to versatility, all the while, my souls desires sit, trapped, in the cave of distrust. Collectively this is my spirit and my spirit is afraid, I will not pretend this is not so. I fixate my mind on the self responsibility of abandoning all that is old and this turns my thoughts to anxious diffidence. At times, to trust the process requires more than what I hold.

I am in a chamber, surrounded by walls of self desire, unable to locate the doorway that leads to the meadows of abundant faith.

The strength of those walls comes from the lack of discipline within, unable to bring about a change in heart and mind.

The rare moments that my discipline provides me with a sense of faith and a trust in knowing, a window, of inner peace, appears, presenting a dilemma in this complex process of ascension. The window yields an inner warmth and a certain comfort in knowing that I am in command of my journey, but this window allows the rays of frustration to permeate my space. I am unable to escape, completely, only able to see beyond the chains.

I have come to understand that evolution, of any and all, requires ''drastic change'', this is imperative. If I want to grow, than I must change. We all possess the mapping to higher ascension, but do our spirits possess the strength?