New Beginnings

When will things change? This is a question I hear all the time from people in my circle.

The answer is change, all kinds, has already started, and there is no stopping it.

People are becoming brighter and I don't me in a intellectual sense, although that is true as well, I mean in a spiritual sense. We are caring more about the things that are important to us. Family, friends, vocation, community, and environment. It's easy to see and I feel if we just took the time to look around us we would notice all kinds of positive change.

Case In Point ~ I spent my day yesterday working for a friend, one that I have gotten to know pretty much exclusively through internet socializing. Weird but true. I was initially introduced to Mike Cheliak by my dear friend Bob Hatcher. I want to illustrate how things are changing by examining Mike's company, My Sports Shooter. Mike is a well grounded, easy going, nurturing guy who empowers his company mysportsshooter.com. with his positive spirit. As far as I can tell, it is important to Mike to illuminate what it is he works on and who he works with and by doing so he in turn illuminates himself. This is a wonderful circle to experience, trust me. Positivity is a force that must be shared, there is no keeping in locked up.

This is a change that is spreading in homes, in offices, in schools, in communities, all over the world. It may seem so simple and it may go unnoticed but people sharing their positivity is what is going to change this world. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to work with fun, energetic, positive souls. I say work, but that hardly is a fair analysis of the case in point.

Starting today, do yourself a huge favour, and begin your week with positive intentions. Go out there and create a positive circle by looking to help those around you, share only good thoughts with yourself and others, encourage and support all that you come in contact with. Walk into your place of work with a huge smile and a helping hand. Be sure to take the time to shower the ones you love with your love, and you will notice a shift. Weird but true. You may think that this is an exercise that will drain you, and you maybe right. Initially this may feel physically exhaustive for you but I can tell you that eventually the spiritual gains that you begin to gather with lift you not only physically but in all ways.

I Am So Lovable

If I could have one wish it would be for every single being to have the ability to realize that they are worthy of being loved and of loving.

It's when we realize this about ourselves that we are able to embrace and express our vulnerabilities, completely. When we open up the windows to our not so perfect self this is when we make true lasting connections and to connect, after all, is why we are here. Connecting is what fills us with purpose and meaning.

Where have all the kids gone?

The year was 1971, the place Newmarket, the time 6 p.m. on October 31 and I was 10 years old.

I can remember being so excited for Halloween night and all that it brought with it. We would gather at dusk, we would plane our route for days, we would knock on every door within a 10 mile radius. Yes I said mile, it was 1971, remember? I can recall traveling the streets in packs, what seemed like hundreds of us. We would have to return home on several occasions throughout the night to ''dump'' our ''haul'' only to run out the door not to fall too far behind the other tramps, witches, ghosts, and ghouls.

Do you remember that lady that lived down the street that made fresh homemade candy apples for all the kids from our street? We walked right into her kitchen to pick our apple off a tray on her counter. Does this still happen?

Last night, in Barrie, I was so disappointed as I am on most Halloween nights, of late. I decorate my house, with spiders and pumpkins, smoke machines and full size handmade coffins. I wear my traditional scary mask and I sit and wait. to share my 100's of chocolate bars, bags of chips, and sweet treats, and I wait and I wait. I am pretty sure that I had fewer than 10 kids rap on my door last night. I did not have a single knock after 8 o'clock. The local elementary school seems to house 100's of kids during the day. Do they just not have the drive that we had? Is it too much effort for them? Are they too busy playing it safe?

Where have all the kids gone?

Knock Knock!

Life is full of opportunity. This world is full of possibilities. We are full of love. The ultimate opportunity. Embrace it. Embrace the world. Embrace life. Embrace yourself.

Karma's a Bitch?

Karma is not the bitch, we are. Karma (from the Pali Kamma) simply means action. Actions are performed in three ways ~ by body, mind or in speech. Every action of significance is performed because there is a DESIRE for a result. This desire, no matter how mild, is a form of craving. The craving just proves that we exist. To exist is to act, existence and action are inseparable. All actions are bound to have intention (the volition). And some form of desire is behind every activity of life. To live is to "desire".

An action, Karma, is morally wholesome or unwholesome. It is, unwholesome when it is motivated by the forms of craving that are associated with greed, hatred and delusion. It is wholesome when it is motivated by indifference, friendship and wisdom. An act so motivated is prompted by intention rather than by craving. Yet in every act of craving, intention is included. Intention gives direction and form to the deed.

The misrepresentation that Karma is a ''bitch'' may stem from the negativity we draw to ourselves when our actions are unwholesome. You see, we all have a tendency to take credit when good things happen around us (also caused from Karma) but we love to pass the buck when the not so nice enters our world (life's a bitch).

Each action with intent attached is our own creation. The will behind it, constitutes a force, similar to the great, unseen physical forces that move the universe. By our thoughts, words and actions, we create our world from moment to moment in the endless process of change.

We also create our "selves", that is to say, we mould our changing personality as we go along, by the accumulation of such thoughts, words and actions. We not only create our personality , we create the conditions in which it functions. In other words, we create the kind of world we are to live in. The mind, therefore, is the master of our world. As a man's mind is, so is his cosmos.

Please remember that we carry our personalities forward from past lives. All action from all lives are remembered in this life, stored in our cells (cell memory). Are we rewarded or distracted in this life for actions put forth in a previous life? Could be!

Each person's Karma is his own personal act, its results are his own personal inheritance. He alone has complete command over his actions, no matter to what degree others may try to force him.

So the next time you want to be a bitch remember that Karma may show up at your doorstop wearing a T-shirt with the word BIATCH splashed across the chest. Then again it may not show up for sometime?

Right ON!

Wounded children grow up and become wounded adults. Since no one taught us how to heal ourselves, we seek momentary relief by always trying to be right. Yes, many of us have a need to be right all the time. For we associate being right with being worthy. Suppose you and I engaged in a conversation and I strongly disagreed with everything you said, how would you feel? The average person would feel threatened and insecure, for if I challenge your ideas, I'm challenging you.

If I treated your ideas as worthless, wouldn't I be suggesting that you, too, are worthless? Why would I do that? Well, we criticize others to feel better about ourselves. So, in order to make up for the love that I was denied as a child, I attack you, a perfectly innocent person! Not that I want to punish you; I just want you to admit that I am right and you are wrong, for in doing so, I will get the recognition and approval I desperately seek.

Even if I were to get you to admit I am right, all I would succeed in doing is to transfer my pain to you. My relief would come at your expense. So, regardless who wins the argument, we both lose because our relationship would suffer. We are only as strong or as weak as our relationships, so it doesn't make any sense to damage them. When dealing with co-workers, friends, and family, we have to ask ourselves, do I want to be right and weaker or agreeable and stronger; do I want to think about ME or do I want to think about WE?

Besides weakening our relationships, insisting on being right has the awful consequence of transforming us into the person we don't want to be. You see, we become arrogant, self righteous, and sanctimonious. Our narrow-minded and know-better-than-you attitude drives people away.

It's not only people we drive away. We also drive away knowledge. For by refusing to consider the opinions of others, we slam the door on new ideas. One of the greatest thinkers of our time, Edward de Bono, had this to say, "The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all."

When someone expresses opinions that differ from yours, there is good reason to stop and listen. After all, you can be wrong! Think back; how many of the ideas that you held ten years ago have you changed? It's impossible for us to improve without CHANGING for the better. Our thoughts, opinions, and beliefs also need changing. Sometimes they need to be replaced. Other times they merely need to be broadened or improved by commingling the ideas of others with our own.

When we remain open-minded and willingly embrace the ideas of others, we participate in our own self-growth. And as we see ourselves improve, we raise our level of self-esteem, thereby decreasing our need to always be right. Also, by welcoming the ideas of others, we increase their confidence. Those who need to be right depend on others for their self-esteem. They need to have others recognize and approve of them. But as we grow increasingly interested in DOING right, rather than BEING right, we boost our confidence and self-respect and are no longer dependent on others for our own happiness.

So, always try to be open-minded. When others speak, don't look for points to disagree with, but look for wisdom that you can add to your own. The open-minded see the truth in different things, but the narrow-minded see only the differences. We need our differences. For they provide us with more options and possibilities, making us stronger and wiser.

Another reason for welcoming our differences is that they offer an opportunity to give the treasured gifts of tolerance and acceptance to others. By relinquishing our right to be right and turning over power to others we grant them the right to be themselves. One can hardly offer anyone a greater gift. If, despite our urge to be right, we act generously, we will discover the exciting truth that we have enough inner strength to conquer our vulnerabilities. As our mentality changes from victim to victor, our self-doubts slowly dissolve.

Another discovery we will make is that it is only after recognizing and accepting others that we will finally find the recognition and acceptance we have been looking for. Yet another discovery is that our bad habits do not have to define us, for we can change our thoughts and behaviour at any time.

The path to change involves being aware of our thoughts and asking the right questions. For example, if you find yourself constantly arguing with your spouse, you need to ask yourself, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? Do I want to be an individual who is always right or do I want to be part of a loving relationship? Do I want to be right and hurtful or do I want to be accepting and caring. Do I wish to take what I can from this relationship and weaken it or do I wish to contribute what I can to it and strengthen it?

Ralph constantly gets irritated by his wife's "stupid" questions. She asks him about things that she already knows the answer to. That upsets Ralph because it is "illogical" to ask about what you already know. But it is Ralph who is illogical because his anger is driving a wedge between him and his wife, Courtney. Does that make any sense? What Ralph did not understand is that Courtney was not ASKING QUESTIONS, she was merely MAKING CONVERSATION. She was expressing her love by inviting her husband to speak. She was working on building the relationship, which is the logical thing to do.

Perhaps we can't all be experts on the differences between the way men and women think, but we don't have to be. All we have to do is respect others and abandon our need to be right. As long as we do the right thing, things will work out right. Finally, be careful of what you think of others, for you can rise no higher than your lowest opinion of another.

Givers and Takers

Generosity can be a blessing for the giver and the recipient, and also inspires good feelings in people who see it happening. ~ Zen Moments


An old friend texted me something yesterday that really touched my soul. What she said was in reference to my commenting on the disregard that some people display towards loved ones. Her text went something like this, ''some of us dance a little harder in life but you must remember that our intention is to never stomp on any ones toes.'' My response to her was that she does not have to remind the ones around her to watch their toes because it is our toes she is stomping on. How can one forget that their toes just got stomped? Please note that the quote contains no apology!

I understand that we all have tendencies to give and take in life but I also believe that we are either more of a giver or lean towards being a taker, at our core. Which are you?

If I look at the phrase quoted above I can only conclude that my dear friend is a taker and what she said, really says so much more.

I commend my friend for having such a great attitude towards living , hell, we are only here once right? Grab it and shake the shit out of it no matter who you trash in the process? Well, I for one can not live life at the expense of all around me. I can't feel good about taking advantage of those around me and I wish that one day all ''the dancers'' will wake up and stop stomping on my toes.

The fascinating thing about my friend is, if you take a look at her life and it doesn't have to be a long look, you will see that at a very young age she was hurt, more than once I might add. Is it because of all this hurt that my friend thinks its OK to step on toes, its OK to take without considering those all around, it is OK to hurt and take advantage and disregard your loved ones? It can't be that simple but sometimes I think it may be.

So this is where I sit in this relationship. I have been trying for years to get her to see but it seems to be an impossible task. What is it that keeps my interest? Why do we tolerate these types in our lives? Are we in awe of their zest all the while caught in the after tow of their disregard? Is sorrow felt for their hurt coupled with admiration for their ability to overcome? I can't put my finger on it.

We all have or have had friends like this in our circles, you just have to be aware of them. Look for the over achievers, the socially over active, the ones committed to everything but to no one. Do you have a friend that is always late and never apologize? Friends that borrow and never return, the ones that give so little but expect so much. These are the friends that never seem to understand how you can feel ''this way''? On a darker side, as they grow, they are the ones that cheat in marriage, steal in business, abuse themselves, and run from emotional situations.

We don't always get to chose who we love but we do get to chose how we can manage our loved ones. What to do with the relationships that seem to put us in this position? I suggest steel toed boots and a truck load of patience and if that doesn't work, saying good-bye might!

Being You

I encounter inner conflict at times, especially when faced with a situation full of confrontation. Do I back down? Do I always give in? Should I just smile and nod and turn in the other directions? Do I just sacrifice my feelings for the sake of the other? To practice tolerance, compassion, and forgiveness does not mean that we should make ourselves a doormat for other people's misuse. For starters, we should always remember that we are as deserving as anyone else, of our kindness, our compassion, and our love. The Buddha said ''that we could search the entire universe and we would not find anyone more worthy of our love than we ourselves are.'' So putting ourselves in a position where our feelings are ignored, our voice is not heard, and our wants and needs are neglected is not practicing compassion or love towards ourselves. All relationships, encounters, and connections we make in this life must be circular

in nature. We all seek balance, it is the nature of our existence, of our being.

The Buddhist path is often a cloudy and misunderstood one. It is not a practice of passivity, where one should retreat to a mountain top and become disengaged with the world, only to find oneself. Although retreating to oneself is a good practice from time to time. Instead, it is about being fully engaged in one's life, relationships around, and the world within the universe!

In the Sadhana of Mahamudra, Chogyam Trungpa described the wisdom of a fully realized being:

He is inseparable from peacefulness and yet he acts whenever action is required. He subdues what needs to be subdued, he destroys what needs to be destroyed and he cares for whatever needs his care.

If being inseparable from peacefulness and yet acting whenever action is required seems paradoxical, that's good. As Zen master Suzuki Roshi said, ''if something isn't paradoxical, it isn't true.''

Sometimes that means retreating from the situation and giving it space. Sometimes it means sitting down and having a conversation, and sharing your perspective. Sometimes it means standing up and shouting what you believe to be required. Sometimes it means walking away entirely, and never looking back. Sometimes it means giving someone a gift to show that you care.

In a ''Dharmic world'' there is no predetermined course of action to our quarrels, disagreements or to our clash. We must strive to meet each situation that arises with fresh awareness and open heart, and we must do our best to remain true to who we wish to be and respond in whatever way is most beneficial to our cause.

Being a doormat is never a healthy option.

Stake A Claim 2/2 ~ A friends thoughts continued

Our unhappiness comes from not staying true to who we are. Your focus should be on you. My focus should be me. If we kept our focus where it belonged instead of trying to fix and change others, then we wouldn't have half the issues that we have. The minute we look for approval outside ourselves, then the trouble begins. Because we are putting our values and worth outside of ourselves and into the hands of others. So here's an example: Two people live on the same street. One goes out and plants flowers and bushes and trees because they love beauty and they love to garden and they love the smell of the earth and the feeling that they get from planting and watering seeds and bringing them to life. It's very pure and it's very rewarding. They don't do it for any other reason than the sheer enjoyment that they get from doing it. The other, goes out and plants flowers and bushes and trees, and looks up and down the street to see how they rate and compare to the rest of their neighbours and when they can say that their house looks the best of anyone's on the street, then they feel good. Now they've both done the same thing with the same result as the first person, but instead of it stopping with the gardening and feeling the joy in doing that, the joy becomes very conditional on the approval of others and the feeling or superiority that it brings. See where I'm headed with this. They both do it for a reward: the reward is beauty and enjoyment on the one hand, and the reward is being able to impress others, on the other hand. One of these two is living a lie. One of these two has by-passed the inner world and created a purely external facade. It's not about the journey with these people. It's all about the reward at the end. How you get to that reward is every bit as important as the reward itself. So with these people, they create the illusion of being someone or something, but that's all it is ... smoke and mirrors. There is no root and no depth. They don't do it for any other reason than show and reward. Given enough time, the facade falls away and the truth is revealed. These people eventually get trapped in their own lie and they live very lonely lives. Only time separates truth from lies and only if people are willing to believe it. That is why, if you live authentically then your truth is the truth. It proves itself. The truth is, we all look the same, it's difficult to distinguish the difference between those living lives that are authentic and those living a false life. And as much as it may burn our ass to see the ''the liars'' getting away with their shit, it is not our place to correct them because when we do, we are doing it for the reward of proving them wrong and ourselves right. Our job is not to be a bit player in their story, but to remain firm in our own authenticity and tell our own story otherwise, we become just an echo of them.

Stake a Claim 1/2 ~ A friends thoughts

I am going through a rough moment (hopefully only a moment).

This is a message I received in support of my situation and other similar situations I have faced recently. The names being used have been changed but we can all fill in our own significant names to people we have enabled or that have taken advantage, disrespected, used, and or abused us.

I hope this translates well?

I'll tell you what the secret is. The secret is, that this is MY story. And that is YOUR story. We come into this world and we are given a life and then we spend most of our days trying to hold onto that life because if we don't use it for our own purposes, then someone else will be happy to claim it for theirs. Whether it be Philip or Susan, there will always be someone who doesn't have enough of what they need or want and they will be looking around for people to plunder for more time, more attention, more money, more love, more of whatever it is they are lacking at the moment. And there will always be Karen's and Bill's, moving people around to suit their purposes. And they manipulate others because they are either too big for their own lives and hence have to claim the lives of others so they can spill over into them, or their are too small and cowardly to pull off their crap all on their own, so they use others to hide behind. But, it is our job to write our own story and to develop healthy boundaries and to hold firm to them. It's tough to do because the lines get blurred by notions of love, support, responsibility and guilt, among other things, and those of us with strong moral character get taken advantage of by those with weaker moral strength. I really think that the time has come for someone to write a book, maybe even me, that strips away some of the Father Knows Best and Leave It To Beaver mentality that paints the perfect little picture of the perfect little home, and makes it clear to people that we are not responsible for being the answer to someone else's prayers. We don't have to be saviours. It's not selfish to look out for ourselves. And we don't have to be liked by everyone. The older I get, the more important I think it is to claim our lives and to start living them authentically. To hell with everyone else. Philip and Susan, as much as we love them, and we do love them, can get out if they don't like it. That seems harsh but if you go back a generation or two, to your father's time, or your grandfather's time, that's the way they lived their lives, and the kids that left home and struck out on their own, survived and even prospered. The kids that we see today, giving little but expecting lots, we made them that way. We took away their anger at the lifestyle they were handed, that is until we try to alter that very lifestyle that we provided. We took away their drive to get out and get more for themselves and when we do try to push them, for their own good, to be more driven nothing but confusion, frustration, and resentment come pouring in. It's like in order to balance out what our parents and grandparents did or didn't give us, we went too far the other way. The thing I want more for Philip than anything else, is for him to somehow figure out that he has to claim his life, and take responsibility for it, if he is ever going to be happy. Karen and Bill are prime examples of people who are too busy controlling everyone else to stop and take a look at their own pathetic lives and the pain they have inflicted on others with their actions. You and I just need to know who we are, and hold the lines. The Karen's and Bill's of this world are so convinced of their own rightness, that they are never going to listen to anything we have to say, and we will always be the ones who are too sensitive, or who misinterpret their motives, or who are way out in left field or are being to ''disrespectful'' or 'inappropriate''. The Karen's and Bill's of this world are just unhappy people looking for someone or something to blame their unhappiness on. God forbid that they should ever have to look at themselves and ask themselves if they are the ones with the problem. It's their story. It's their game. And it's our fault if we let them make it ours. We have to know in ourselves that it is their story and they can lay blame and accuse all they want, we don't have to accept, or take any of it on us. These are the deepest spiritual lessons of all ... to know ourselves and to live our lives authentically.

Big Family

Some random thing happened and it triggered my thoughts to what it means to be part of a ''BIG'' family?

Having to deal with all that comes from being part of a large family has given me a ''killer'' confidence and it has filled me with passion beyond belief. How could it not?

When I think of all the people that have come and gone and come and stayed over the years I realize that have learned to accept all. It has provided me with an abundance of tolerance and compassion and I am more trusting and willing to share. These are all wonderful traits to possess.

Two overwhelming qualities that come to mind, when I think of my family, are support and forgiveness.

Support, even though it is not always visible, it is always present and whenever it is needed by me or required of me it appears. It is really quite something just knowing that you are never really alone.

Forgiveness, WOW! When I think of all the times my weakness has demanded it and when I think of all the times my strength has embrace it and allow it to lift me above holding on to anger or envy I become equally joyful for both.

I would not be who I am without the experiences I have shared with my family.

I love my family and I am grateful for all or is it I am grateful for my family and I love them all?

Thinking

In the midst of what I feel, it is unavoidable, this process I call ''change''. I say unavoidable because my soul, desires a higher ascension.

My mind is laid on the chopping block of transformation, my body struggles to reach a passage to versatility, all the while, my souls desires sit, trapped, in the cave of distrust. Collectively this is my spirit and my spirit is afraid, I will not pretend this is not so. I fixate my mind on the self responsibility of abandoning all that is old and this turns my thoughts to anxious diffidence. At times, to trust the process requires more than what I hold.

I am in a chamber, surrounded by walls of self desire, unable to locate the doorway that leads to the meadows of abundant faith.

The strength of those walls comes from the lack of discipline within, unable to bring about a change in heart and mind.

The rare moments that my discipline provides me with a sense of faith and a trust in knowing, a window, of inner peace, appears, presenting a dilemma in this complex process of ascension. The window yields an inner warmth and a certain comfort in knowing that I am in command of my journey, but this window allows the rays of frustration to permeate my space. I am unable to escape, completely, only able to see beyond the chains.

I have come to understand that evolution, of any and all, requires ''drastic change'', this is imperative. If I want to grow, than I must change. We all possess the mapping to higher ascension, but do our spirits possess the strength?

The IC Blog: Learning loveliness

The IC Blog: Learning loveliness: " .....sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveli..."

I am in the midst of what I feel is an unavoidable process called ''change''. I say unavoidable because my soul desires a higher ascension and a certain clarity.

My mind is laid at the altar of transformation, my body is fighting for the passage to versatility, all while my soul sits trapped in the cave of distrust. Collectively my spirit sit in fear, I will not pretend this is not so. I fixate my mind on the self responsibility of abandoning all that is old and this turns my thoughts to distressed insecurity. To trust the process requires more that I have sometimes.

Seriously, most of my time is spent in a cell surrounded by walls of self desire, not surrounded by the meadows of abundant faith.

The strength of those walls comes from the knowing of what is required and from the lacking of discipline to actually change the heart and mind.

The rare moments that my discipline provides me with a sense of faith and a trust in knowing, a window, of inner peace, appears, presenting another inconsistency in this complex process of ascension. The window brings about frustration because I am unable to escape, only being able to see beyond what is holding me back. The window, all the while, allowing a certain ray of comfort to shine in on my ideals. It brings me a certain warmth.

I have come to understand that evolution, of any and all, requires ''drastic change'', this is imperative. If I want growth than I must change.

We all possess the blueprint for higher ascension, but do we all possess the spirit?

OK!, Today is the day that we discover our own greatness. Think of the time that the very first Pharaoh's Tomb was discovered or the tip of the rib bone to the first T-REX was uncovered or the very first neighbouring galaxy was sighted. Knowing our greatness exceeds any of these discoveries, by a long shot. Believe it. Trust it. Share it!

Favours

A friend of mine is laid up with a terrible sprain, out of commission for 2 to 3 weeks. Her movement and mood are at the mercy of crutches, tensor bandages, ibuprofen, and the help of others. Immobility is an awful ailment in these fast movie times.

I was visiting with her yesterday and she was reliving the harsh moment of her twisted fall when she mentioned to me that she guesses this will be a good time to call in all her favours, owed from friends and family alike. My friend made it sound like she had a pod somewhere that she has been uploading favour to over the years. This statement got me thinking, thinking about about all of our favour pods. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we spent our life filling up our favour pods?

It's only January 6th, is it too late too make a resolution? A collective resolution from all of us to help one another in times of need. Go ahead start uploading to your favour pod.

''SHOT GUN!''

Growing up in a family of 8 had it's challenges, that's for sure.

I was the second youngest of 6 - three boys and three girls.

My younger sister arriving on the scene was the beginning of my vague remembrances of being a kid, at 207 Penn Avenue.

I was 41/2 years, when my sister showed, and up to that point I had been the baby of the family. It doesn't sound like much but being the baby in a family with 5 children has advantages. one of those advantages was that I was the one child, that was allowed to sit in the front with Mom and Dad, when the family took a trip in the car. No one else was allowed in the front, just me with Mom and Dad, enjoying the comforts of our cozy bench seat, an unobstructed view out the front windshield, total control of the push button radio was mine, and on the days that Dad was in a real good mood, I would be asked to click the turn signal lever either up or down depending on a left or right turn.

Now, behind me, was a different setting. Even though I rarely turned to look over the edge of the seat, I could tell, by the sounds that echoed. It was a virtual hell in the back rows of seating in the rear of our station wagon. There were constant thuds on the back of my seat, loud screams, tearful cries, nasty coughs, shrieking yells, and countless slaps and punches being shared. The back seat was the reason for countless threats from my father to ''pull over'', ''turn around'', ''never take us out again'', and worst of all is when he would force the words ''don't make me come back there'' over his lips. These words were enough to bring a short silence to the crew behind me but they were never enough to eliminate the shenanigans all together.

Like I said, the privilege of riding up front meant that I had no worries, I was safe. I was in solitary confinement with no threat of being asked to join the general population. That was, until my little baby sister arrived. I will never forget the first ride we took after her birth.

We were headed to the grandparents, it was a sunny Sunday morning. I bolted through the front door of our tiny home and leaped past the 4 steps of the veranda and dashed to the front door of the car. Waiting, like a dog after hearing the word ''walk'', for my father to insert the key and open the door for me to enter my private, luxurious, suite. As my Father swung around the front of the car, having just assisting my Mother and sister through the opposite door, he spoke the words that changed my life for ever. As he put his had on my left shoulder. He bent slightly and almost with a grin in his voice he whispered, just loud enough for all to hear ''hey sport jump in the back, your baby sis has to sit up front with her Mom''. What did he mean ''her mom''? That was my Mom. Did he just ask me to jump in the back seat? My heart sank, hell, it stopped. My breath was gone and even though I was only 41/2 I began to sweat profusely. As I looked back and into the rear door window, my older brothers and sister were all sitting calmly, they were motionless, and everyone of them was looking in my direction. I swear I could see drool falling from there lips. they looked like tigers at the zoo as the meat was about to be tossed over the bars. 

FRIDAY, MARCH 12, 2010

the rain, where I come from

falls straight down, blocking the summer sun

it has two shadows, most every time

thunder rumbles, lightning shines

It comes in many different forms

the best is when it comes in storms

storms, my favourite, I must tell

make me wonder, make me yell

for everyone close by to see

the leaves are ripped right off the trees

the birds, they circle in the sky

heaven on edge, about to cry?

the wind begins to show its will

temperature drop. Is that a chill?

darkness falls, surrounds us all

It seems as though the world may stall

''here it comes'', the rain hard-hitting

blitzing the ground, never sitting

vapour rising, all around

most thankful for it all, the ground

It’s quick to come and quicker to go

unless at night, it decides to show

It’s very swift from start to stop

like stepping from the ledge, far drop

the wind has calmed, the sun shines through

the storm is gone, the sky is blue

the heart slows down, the feeling spent

somewhere, someone, the message sent

the rain where I come from

falls straight down over the summer sun

R Aylwin

o7/06

what would love do?

Why is it so difficult for all of us to just share the love and joy that resides inside us? Is it because we struggle at even being able to find that love and joy let alone tap into it?

Think of how many times in a day you are faced with or are facing someone with an opportunity to share love. An opportunity where love would make everything better. Even if only a little bit better.

Instead, what usually happens, is that the opportunity is wasted. So many other emotions tug at us. Greed, deciet, anger, jealousy, envy, revenge, shame, and pity to name a few.

It is so so simple to just love. Demonstrate that love with kindness and happiness. Resist the urge to do anything else. A hug, a smile, a kiss, a kind word, even a kind gesture. Why is it so impossible?

Explain it if you can, callenge it. Look around. Marriages reaking like cheap glasses, siblings battleing over the sillyest things, friends not talking, strangers cursing, politicians decieving, countries battleing, planets dying. I'm sorry but i just dont get it. Not any longer.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 17, 2010

Kindness

I try to remember that we all vibrate at different frequencies, all living things. I try to remember that my vibration is just different from others, it is not higher or lower. I try to remember that blaming others for my own unhappiness is a big mistake. I try to remember that we are all equal. I try to remember that we all want happiness. I try to remember that some friendships are for a day, some are for a week, some for a year, and some for a lifetime. I try to remember that people enter and leave our lives when needed as a natural contribution from the universe. I try to remember that we all love. I try to remember that we all want love. I try to remember that kindness is in all. I try to remember that kindness is all.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 12, 2010

How do we sleep at night?

I was driving home from work the other day and I was following a convertible Mustang when eye noticed that the roof of the car had a big slash that was repaired using duct tape. Well, this got me thinking about how little security we really have when it comes to protecting ourselves and our stuff. All that separates the outside world from your home is a few locks or even worse, a few panes of glass. That's it! Someone could get into my home in a flash if they really wanted to just by smashing a window. My windows are really not keeping anyone out. So what really keeps them out? Better judgement? Honesty? Risk of punishment? No incentive to steal my stuff? On my travels through India, a few years back, eye noticed that stuff over there is really locked up. Doors with cages and padlocks, windows with bars, gated entrances to hotels and apartments, armed guards standing tall. No one putting a lot of faith in the windows in that part of the world. I guess, the reason we trust windows and vinyl tops on cars is because more of us have than have not, in this country, so the odds are very low that someone will break through our insecure security.

It's too bad we have to worry about this type of thing at all.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 9, 2010

Matter vs. Spirit

Have you ever been in a room full of friends and felt like a stranger? I have been experiencing this sensation as of late and can only come to one conclusion as to why this is happening. In the last 4 years I have been seeking changes in my life, new relationships, new career, new surroundings, a new path sort of speak. When I began the journey of seeking a new path I realized that some relationships would change, but to the extent they have, I did not. I am not saying that all of my friendship will perish and I do realize new ones will begin but like I said earlier there are more and more days were I sit in the company of friends and feel surrounded by strangers.

Most of the friends I speak of still operate out of the world of matter, consumed with material ambitions and full of material concerns. I am doing my best to leave that thinking behind. I am trying to operate my life from a spiritual world. Being surrounded by the chatter of how much one owns or how much one spends or what one has just does not hold my attention. Where you live?What you do? What you drive? Just doesn't seem to matter any longer. Who you are? What is inside you? This is what I am looking to explore and discuss. Am I the only one?

THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 2010

Deep Inside Us All

There is a part in all of us, a piece of us, that can be found deep inside our soul that is pure and tender, warm and caring.

We have been hurt or damaged or abused over the years and so that warm and tender gets stashed away, rarely allowed to explore the outside world.

We let it out every once in awhile, usually around those we put trust in, to protect it. As far as I am concerned we never let it out enough. As we age some of us realize that it just doesn't matter and we let it out more and more to the point were we become that warm, tender, fun loving soul. Yet, others of us, bottle it up to the point were they can't even remember where it is. This may explain some of the grumpy old souls we know that walk around snapping and barking at everyone and everything.

I say we all start trusting a little more, let the tenderness out more often. Don't be afraid. The world is not that big and bad and believe it or not there are more tender souls waiting out there, waiting to exchange, more than you can ever imagine.